Friday, 3 July 2015

Life goes on...

Lisa and I have separated. This was inevitable, because the relationship formed in a way that was never going to be sustainable, and I wasn't prepared to commit to her as much as she wanted to commit to me. It happened several months ago, and wasn't related to the house move.

We remain friends, and are still talking, but in the meantime I want to congratulate her on her new job, for a significant Adult mental health charity in the south-west of England.

But in the meantime, how does someone like me start a new relationship?

Well, the answer is - online, of course. Using a website, I started talking to a woman who we shall call Tannie, who likes in Derby. She also works in Adult Services, and is bloody good at her job, but spends the wrong side of 60 hours a week doing it. As a result, we don't get to see each other as much as I'd like, and to her credit she's recognised this.

But - lets go back a step or two. Tannie and I met online, and initially that's all it was gong to be. I happened to be coming home via Derby one day, and suggested we meet up at the OK Diner on the A38, for coffee. Just coffee - no intentions.


You know what it's like, you meet someone and it just feels right - and this did.

So... the question. Do I disclose or not? Do I tell her my history, do I explain Lisa...

The answer is - yes I do, I need the people around me to know about me and want to still be here, so I went to see her and disclosed. I then notified my Offender Management team, and they asked if they could have a chat with her, to which we both agreed yes.

Derbyshire police did that, thanks folks. And as a result, I can now say that I have a new girlfriend, and the relationship is supportive and not reliant on my past.

So, Life can, and does, go on.

Finally, though, the relationship with Lisa broke down because of me, and specifically because of the damage and harm I caused her at the start of this process. For that, I'm sorry - I can't fix it, I can't change it, and I'm now not even part of the solution.  

Never let any Sex Offender get away with claiming he didn't do any harm - I used to do that...


  1. Keep your spirits high and know that you are not alone in this fight!

  2. Wow. You've come a long way. If what you write is true, then I can only say I'm glad. Glad for you, and glad for Lisa. I think she's probably better off with someone very different from you; I don't mean that in a nasty way.

    Keep going, and if you can find a way to put your insight to good use, so much the better. The world is full of sex offenders who are only too keen to invent excuses for their crimes; if you've truly reached a point where you're willing and able to acknowledge the harm you caused to a child, then you are a pretty unique specimen. It would be a shame to let that go to waste.

    However, I also hope you have a good life, and wish you luck in your future relationships and other endeavours. If you are in touch with Lisa, please give her my best wishes too. I hope she, too, has a happy and fulfilling life.

    Your last paragraph gives me hope that sex offenders CAN reach the point where they stop finding excuses for their crimes.

    All the best to you.

    1. My Offender Management team agree with your sentiment, though they do take my comments in that respect with a pinch of salt - I can't say I blame them.

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