Friday, 3 July 2015

Life goes on...

Lisa and I have separated. This was inevitable, because the relationship formed in a way that was never going to be sustainable, and I wasn't prepared to commit to her as much as she wanted to commit to me. It happened several months ago, and wasn't related to the house move.

We remain friends, and are still talking, but in the meantime I want to congratulate her on her new job, for a significant Adult mental health charity in the south-west of England.

But in the meantime, how does someone like me start a new relationship?

Well, the answer is - online, of course. Using a website, I started talking to a woman who we shall call Tannie, who likes in Derby. She also works in Adult Services, and is bloody good at her job, but spends the wrong side of 60 hours a week doing it. As a result, we don't get to see each other as much as I'd like, and to her credit she's recognised this.

But - lets go back a step or two. Tannie and I met online, and initially that's all it was gong to be. I happened to be coming home via Derby one day, and suggested we meet up at the OK Diner on the A38, for coffee. Just coffee - no intentions.


You know what it's like, you meet someone and it just feels right - and this did.

So... the question. Do I disclose or not? Do I tell her my history, do I explain Lisa...

The answer is - yes I do, I need the people around me to know about me and want to still be here, so I went to see her and disclosed. I then notified my Offender Management team, and they asked if they could have a chat with her, to which we both agreed yes.

Derbyshire police did that, thanks folks. And as a result, I can now say that I have a new girlfriend, and the relationship is supportive and not reliant on my past.

So, Life can, and does, go on.

Finally, though, the relationship with Lisa broke down because of me, and specifically because of the damage and harm I caused her at the start of this process. For that, I'm sorry - I can't fix it, I can't change it, and I'm now not even part of the solution.  

Never let any Sex Offender get away with claiming he didn't do any harm - I used to do that...

Thursday, 4 June 2015

Moved house again

I've moved again - I'm now the problem of West Midlands Police, who are fully aware of this blog and what I do here.

It scares me sometimes to see the relationships that I have built since my arrest. For example, there are some prison officers who I consider to be "the good guys" and would happily buy a beer if I was to meet them. One of these was an officer at Blakenhurst (Now Hewell) who once told me that the the UK had 2000 years of history, and the US had Stilton Cheese - the closest thing to culture they will have.

There have been a number of Police officers, mostly based in the MAPPA teams, but some on the very team that arrested me as well. No names, no packdrill, but again, all but one of these officers I'd buy a drink for.

The surprising thing is how many offenders I have built relationships with, whether VP's or not. Ben Gunn is just one example, but there are many others. Some of them I work with, some of them have worked with me, some of them I meet socially, and some we just use each other as a (lawful) support network.  This isn't offenders conspiring together to offend, this is ex-offenders supporting each other in not offending.

But the important thing about all of this is that, without exception, these people have treated me like a Human being, they have treated me as a person, not an offence. And, when we consider the paedosteria around nowaday, I have to be grateful for that, because it means that now I have moved, I'm used to being treated as a Human, not a number or a Sex Offender.

Thursday, 2 April 2015

It's been too long - sorry folks. But even Ben gets writers block sometimes.

Sometimes I get asked questions.

What are some of the long term effects you have experienced and is this still a part of your daily life?

Well, I don't like working with MAPPA... and I don't appreciate them asking me how my sex life with Lisa is going. My sex life with Lisa is fine, thanks, now do one.

Long term, well, I'm going to say that I can't change how I think. I am attracted to 14-18 year old girls, and no matter what I do, that attraction remains. All I can do is control how I behave,

Is it a part of my daily life - no, not daily. But yes, it still affects me.

I can't simply hop on a train to Paris for the day, I have to plan seven days ahead. I can't simply move house, my new address has to be approved and checked out. I can't pick up a female hitch-hiker, just in case, I can't have a random conversation with a stranger, just in case.

It affects me in ways that you wouldn't expect as well. I won't trouble you with what,

The law has recently changed - my convictions will be spent in a few years.  But until then I still need to disclose my offences to my employer (normally they are already aware and supportive) and to potential relationships. I need to be careful and keep myself safe, and I need to endure occasional visits from the police. But, all in all the relationship is good, so I don't have many issues.

This will affect me for the rest of my life, so I may as well get used to it :-)